Workplace Conflict in Leadership: What’s Really Driving Tension at Work

Most workplace conflict in leadership isn’t about an issue. It’s rooted in what people are fighting for underneath it.

Control → Do I have a say?

Connection → Am I understood and trusted?

Recognition → Am I valued? Do I matter?

When those needs feel threatened, people don’t collaborate. They protect.

I saw this play out recently while coaching a leadership team that was struggling.

On paper, it looked like performance issues—unclear priorities, missed deadlines, frustrating decisions, communication that felt off. The belief was simple: we just need to get more aligned.

But as we dug deeper, it became clear alignment wasn’t the issue.

In one meeting, two leaders went back and forth on a prioritization decision. It started as a normal exchange about what was agreed to and what had changed, but you could feel the shift. The tone tightened. The energy changed. This wasn’t about the decision.

In moments like this, people aren’t just reacting to the situation. They’re responding to something deeper that feels at risk.

So we paused. And I asked, “What are each of you feeling right now, and what does this situation mean to you?” Then we gave it a moment.

One leader said, “I feel like decisions get made around me, and I’m left to clean it up.” I asked, “How does it feel to not be included?” He paused. “Frustrating. And a bit defeating.”

The other said, “I’m trying to move things forward, and it feels like I’m constantly second-guessed.” I said, “Say more about that.” She didn’t hesitate. “It’s exhausting. Like my judgment isn’t trusted.” Same moment.

Same issue. Different experiences.

That conversation didn’t fix everything. It wasn’t even what I might call a breakthrough. But it was a starting point. Over time, this team learned to slow down. They named what was underneath instead of debating the surface.

And gradually, things shifted. Meetings became more honest. Decisions became clearer. The tensions didn’t all disappear, but the team became more productive. Because they were rebuilding something deeper: trust, understanding, respect. And that takes time.

Where in your leadership might others be reacting strongly? What can you do to look beneath the surface and see what's at risk underneath it?

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kevin is passionate about helping people and organizations understand and foster belonging. Drawing on both personal experience and professional expertise, he helps leaders design cultures and experiences where individuals, teams, and communities can thrive and feel they truly belong.